How Do You Know if Someone Has Lingering Feelings for You

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Moving through a romantic break-upward isn't pleasant. Feelings get hurt, egos hobbling, and plans alter on a dime. In the backwash of a pause-up, ex-partners must find a fashion to manage their mixed emotions of grief, distress, and (sometimes) relief. A person is forced to rebuild who they are, split from a partner. This is hard work.

Yet, people ofttimes return to their previous romantic partners. They might become back together afterward a few months of separation, simply other times, partners motion on and alive completely separate lives for years before finding a style dorsum to each other. Consider Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck: They divide up in 2004, dated and married other people, separated from those partners, and ultimately reunited in 2021. While this may seem unusual, the pattern of returning to an ex-partner is actually quite mutual. By some estimates, 40-50 pct of people have reunited with an ex to start a new human relationship (Dailey et al., 2009).

Is this a good idea? Should you become back together with an ex?

On-Over again Relationships Are Often Lower Quality

Concerns about reuniting with an ex-partner have some basis in enquiry. Evidence suggests that on-again relationships are qualitatively dissimilar from only-on relationships. Compared to relationships that have never experienced a breakup, on-again partners tend to study (Dailey et al., 2009; Dailey et al., 2017):

• lower satisfaction.
• less felt validation.
• less dear.
• lower sexual satisfaction.
• less demand fulfillment.

This doesn't imply at that place are many benefits to reuniting with an ex. Further, the more ofttimes couples separate and reunite, the more negative characteristics they tend to cite almost their relationships. Yet, they keep coming back. Why?

Reasons People Get Back With an Ex-Partner

People get dorsum with their ex-partners for a diverseness of reasons, but the big one? Lingering feelings. Ex-partners are, quite but, not over each other. Evidence suggests that maintaining lingering feelings is the most normally cited reason for getting dorsum with an ex-partner (Dailey et al., 2011). Love, it seems, doesn't stop when a breakdown happens, and information technology tin spur people to get dorsum together.

Other reasons include (Dailey et al., 2011):

• Familiarity. The devil, you know, right? People empathise what to wait of an ex-partner, and the comfort of familiarity has a potent pull. Such familiarity may seem like a proficient reason to get back together when the other option is to step into the uncomfortable globe of dating.
• Companionship. Loneliness is a heavy burden to deport, and if information technology doesn't lighten in the days, weeks, or months later a break-up, possibly getting back together solves an important trouble. Reuniting can provide companionship, a benefit that might outweigh the reasons their partners broke up.
• Insight. People tin realize, after they break upwards, that their ex-partner is actually "the one." They might also acquire more than about their ex-partner in their absence, irresolute their perceptions of who that person is and why they may have behaved as they did. Ex-partners might see each other in a new calorie-free later fourth dimension has passed, possibly because they accept, in fact, each changed, matured, or in other means had life experiences that brand them, at present, well-suited for each other.
• The ex is withal meliorate than other partners. Sometimes, people go back together with their ex-partner because they discover that other available potential partners aren't so appealing.
• Regret. Breakups can happen of a sudden or unfold gradually over time. Sometimes they're intentional, other times a rut-of-the-moment type conclusion. Some ex-partners become back together because they believe they should never have cleaved up in the first place, and they view the break-up equally a regrettable error.
• For the partner's sake. Non all reunions are desired as past both partners. Evidence suggests some people reunite not considering they desire to just because they feel guilty or indebted to their ex. They might feel bad for their ex and see getting together as a way to manage their ex'south distress.

Together Again, for Now

Ex-partners who reunite could do and then for the long haul. They might relaunch with renewed delivery. They might both have a readiness to be with each other that wasn't present earlier. They might bring a new appreciation for each other that elevates their relationship to the next level.

Many on-once more couples, even so, cite issues in their renewed relationships. As well the emotional roller coaster of separating so reuniting, people note that they might expect their relationship to exist different this time and experience thwarting and regret when they discover that the aforementioned patterns or bug that may accept made them unhappy the first fourth dimension around sally once again (Dailey et al., 2011). They might experience friends' and parents' concerns rather than their support, and they might question whether they can truly trust their partner.

Retrieve, though, that people's reasons for breaking up in the outset place differ. Breaking upwardly because of a mismatch in habits or goals, for instance, is different from breaking up considering of parental disapproval or a motility that would have made the relationship long-distance. Likewise, people who get back together because they're lonely or feel bad for their ex-partner may be less happy in their new human relationship than people who accept gained new realizations about themselves and their partner.

Even though self-reports bear witness that on-once again/off-once again relationships are of lower quality on average (Dailey et al., 2009), there may be subgroups that not only do well but thrive in their accept-ii attempt at a happy relationship together.

Facebook image: bernatets photo/Shutterstock

References

Dailey, R. Thou., Pfiester, A., Jin, B., Beck, G., & Clark, Thou. (2009). On‐again/off‐over again dating relationships: How are they different from other dating relationships?. Personal Relationships, 16, 23-47.

Dailey, R. Grand., Jin, B., Pfiester, A., & Beck, G. (2011). On-once again/off-once more dating relationships: What keeps partners coming back?. The Journal of social psychology, 151(4), 417-440.

Dailey, R. Yard., & Powell, A. (2017). Love, sexual activity, and satisfaction in on-again/off-again relationships: Exploring what might make these relationships alluring. Periodical of Relationships Research.

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Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/202109/7-reasons-exes-get-back-together

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